Lorks a Lordy

Tut tut tut.

Where have we been, eh? The milk’s gone sour, the bread’s all dry, and - there - by the fridge, the mice have stopped bothering to clean up after their jamborees. Little trombones and straw hats everywhere.

It’s our own fault. We went on holiday. We imbibed of rum and played at games of chance. We accepted ill-advised wagers over how late we could leave our homework. Never again.

But you’ll forgive us. Because between then and now we’ve also done some industrial wufniksing. And it looks like issue #4 is going to be fatter and more engrossing than a lard Rubik’s cube. But less messy. Imagine! So keep your eyes peeled for more news on that.

Until then, here is a fact that might get you high-fiving yourself in excitement: we have a new challenge. And it’s not just any old challenge either. It’s not one of those party forfeits which involve eating as many crackers as you can in a minute. Or reciting the alphabet backwards. It involves attempting the impossible, or thereabouts. And it’s been set for us by the man himself, Martin Amis. Fancy having a go? Click your pointy thing at the challenges page.

Well, that’s about all for this installment. Except for this young man and his wonderful balloon. But remember: wufniks loves you more than walking barefoot on deep-pile carpets; more than drawers with smooth opening mechanisms; more than is strictly appropriate, all things considered.

Wotcha, squire,

Issue!

Gesundheit.

Cripes. The third installment of wufniks has only gone and arrived!

Wufniks Issue #3

Available now!!

Featuring:

• Exclusive challenges from Irvine Welsh and Zadie Smith.

• Stories from wufniks alumni Matt Hull, Tim Russell, Zubair Mayat, Snehal Vadher, E M Taylor and Jen Glyn.

• Stories from wufnewcomers Max Dunbar, Anthony Richardson and our very own Matt Munday.

• Contributions from 12-year-old film critic, Jacob Hoxteth, as well as Enotion magazine’s Books Editor, Mariana Prescott.

Available from the Cornerhouse or online.

Here’s kind of a sad page.

Here’s kind of a happy one.

Hooray for rubbish pyramids,

Issue #2 Now Online!

You heard!

Enjoy issue #2 from the comfort of your own computer chairs.

If that’s not enough for you, how about the sunset on Mars?

Pretty, pretty nice.

Anyway. Seriously: Issue #2!!

Hard copies still available. Tell your acquaintances.
We all worked hard on it. We hope you love it like it loves you.

Hot dog,

Literary Fish & Chips!

Hush.
Do not be alarmed.
That rumbling is nought but an oncoming wufniks.

Yippee!
A new issue approaches like a thrown Frisbee.
Use hands to protect your sensitives, keep your eyelids ajar and brace yourself: issue #3 is a mere week away.

Issue #3 features all sorts. Abusive crockery! A drawing of a narwhal! The death of Ronald McDonald!
It has all of this and it has more.
(get ready for it)
If this is the kind of thing that you like, then — as former Indian Prime Minister Moraji Desai, who practiced urinotherapy, might have said — “urine for a treat”!
(woo!)

Thank goodness for you,
Do keep submitting for issue #4. Do get involved with Zadie Smith’s challenge. You are the golden generation.

Shucks,
Aw, you guys,

The Wordflash of a Coming Wufniks!

Hark!

You can now buy wufniks at the Cornerhouse! Hamazing! Go down there and get issue #2 sold out for us. We would cry milkshakes of gratitude. You would cry gravytrains of joy.

What’s more! You can now buy wufniks online. Looksee! We have a link to the Paypal! He’s your buddy!

The obituaries are finished. O to Z are now done. H has been re-done (poor, poor Hidalgo just wasn’t fictional enough). Read. Enjoy. Spoon.

Issue #3 is now being slow-cooked towards completion. Not long now. We promises.

Also! Don’t forget! Save your fingertips: you can now reach this very page by merely typing wufniks.com. The big time! Phenomenal!

OK. Keep submitting for issue #4. Keep loving Zadie Smith’s challenge. Keep on running.

Hobnobs,

Literary Earthquake

Holy Macaroni!

Wufniks has been a busy little beaver these past couple of weeks. Be proud of us! To all of you who came to our launch party last week at Revolution we thank you in every language we can remember. So: thank you. To those of you who purchased a copy of wufniks issue #1 or #2 we are now best friends with you and will teach you the secret handshake very soon. The launch party was a first-rate affair filled with lovely readings by such luminaries as Xiena Saeed, Chris Smith, Matt Hull, E.M. Taylor, Tim Russell, and A.J. Adams. We had a great time listening to the wonderful stories and hope that you did too. Any comments about the evening would be great. You can email us or comment on our site, right here. This place. Hi.

We are dreaming in our wildest dreams of doing another party to celebrate words in general but — first! — we need to put out more issues for you to love and buy. Remember, every penny, nickel, and dime from a sale of wufniks goes right back into making more and more lovely magazines. We need more magazines.

Well lads and lasses, chaps and chicks, girls and boys, the Issue #3 deadline has passed and we are now in the assembly stages. ∴ the time has come to announce our Writer’s Challenge for Issue #4. As the wily few of you know, each issue of wufniks features an exclusive challenge from an author that gets our word waters warm. So. Issue #4? Zadie Smith. Wait, what’s that? Yes… Zadie Smith has been sweethearted enough to provide a challenge that is as grand as it is beautiful. Read it here. She is a wufniks lovepot of the heartthrobbingest variety. Thank you, Zadie.

More things: our 100-word obituaries are multiplying. We now have up to N for Nick Adams. The prospect of who O might be is almost too much for us.

Ah! Yet more news! Wufniks now has expanded (like the noblest of gases) into cyberspace. The fact is, if you want to find wufniks, you - as a bushy-tailed computer user - can now go directly to www.wufniks.com. As George Bernard Shaw once said, thimplicity is thexy. (Poor, lisping GBS.) A further fact: if you want to email us, you can use either the usual address or wufniks@wufniks.com. It sounds like a fun thing to do.

Last thing’s last. We are looking into the magic world of PayPal (”boo”?) as a means of receiving subscription orders. Our address there is wufniks@wufniks.com. Please contact us if you think this is a good idea or have any questions, or if you’d like to sign up for back, current, or future issues.

Here is the much-benigned Raccoons theme-tune for your wonderment and joy.

Once again, thanks to all who attended the launch, thanks to those who read, and to Revolution, Oxford Road, for providing a great vomit-free venue. Gracias! Merci! Guten Tag!
Now our eyes are dry and itchy with love, or possibly sleepiness.

dee eye ess sea oh,

Much Rejoicing

Gadzooks!

Issue #2 is nearly done. Imagine - it is in the kiln right now, taking shape. Soon it will be cautiously picked out and juggled from hand to hand, and then set down on a windowsill to cool. What a lovely bunch of stories we have. And the pictures - they are something else. And while we’re on the subject, let’s not forget the paper itself, which has been as reliable and subservient as ever. Yes, Issue #2 is looking like it was a good idea. Issue #2’s doing alright.

There are more things to tell you.

One of them is this: the 100-word obituaries have been updated. We now have everything up to the letter I. That’s I for Ichabod Crane; the rest you’ll have to find out for yourself. Remember: if you have a raggedy old obituary of a fictional character sitting in a desk drawer looking doe-eyed and under-fed, send it on over. We have the facilities to care for them. Once we’ve finished the alphabet, perhaps we’ll start on those arcane special characters, like this one: ~. What is that wriggling thing? Write its obit!

Secondly, we have been sent our very first book review by Mariana Prescott of the online literary quarterly, Enotion. Thanks Mariana! The review (of BF Stribling’s new collection, Without Showing Off) can be found here. Really, click it and see - it’s there. See?

I think that was it.

Except of course: Issue #3! Don’t forget to keep sending us your ripe homegrown wordplums. And join in the madness which is Irvine Welsh’s Challenge. Inter-species intercourse! That is quite literally phwit-phwoo.

Also - Scribble out that April 16th diary-entry reminding you to wash the dog or make prawn paella, and replace it with the simple, spunky word ‘Wufniks’. Because that’s the night of our launch party at Revolution on Oxford Road when you should come and be our friend. More info here.

Last but not least: The Big Snit. (3 minutes 8 seconds really makes me tinkle.)

Here’s hoping you’re like a good breakfast: healthy, hearty and full of Chilean cherries,

Launch! Party!

Heavens to Betsy!

On 16th April, 2008, Wufniks will be having a launch party.
You are invited.
You should come.
Seriously.
It will be nice.

It will be held in upstairs at Revolution on Oxford Rd, Manchester.
For those who don’t know: an internet map.

We’ll have more details in the coming weeks but so far we know that:

- We’re hoping to have some actual multi-dimensional people reading their work for your very delectations.
- Issue #1 & brand spanking new Issue #2 will both be available to purchase and thenceforth be read or given as a thoughtful gift or used to fan one’s self/next-of-kin/chilly enemies.
- There will be some exciting announcements made concerning the distant spectre that is Issue #4!

Anyway.
Tip-Ex out everything that you had in your diary for that day and come and say hello and let us love you and pat you on the back.

Further, further bribery:
Remember Stanley? Have more Stanley!

And even some Kurt.

Keep sending us things for Issue #3.

Don’t be squareniks,

Holy Hamstrings!

Happy St. Wufniks day,

Thanks to those who have already submitted to Issue #3.
Congratumalations!
You are champions and really rather marvelous the lot of you.
Of course, there is still plenty of time to send us bits, but it’s never too early…

As a morbid incentive, we have posted five 100-word obituaries of misrepresented heroes from throughout history.
Would you Adam and Steve it? There is one each for the letters A, B, C, D and then E, in that order!
Look at that!

Ah!

OK,
Keep submitting,
All the best and all the rest,
As per always,

Issue #1 = Freshly Baked Bread

OH!
Holy Mackerels!
Did you know that Issue #1 has just come back from the printers?
It’s true!
Fresh and warm it is indeed.
So, get in touch with us if you’re interested in getting your hot paws on a copy.

Keep your eyes to this site to find out about the upcoming release party as well.

Issue #2 is hot on the tail of its predecessor and should be out later this month in physical form as well.
It’s brewing in its juices as we type.
Wufniks keeps you in the know.

Oh, Garfield Minus Garfield !!

Oh, Lemon Gas !!

Okay Dokay,