(Story) war is over. Or is it? It is.

It’s all over. All your bases are belong to us. Our two brave wufniks soldiers have fought and bled and given all their words in this brutal battle of prose. The smoke has cleared and the final numbers are as follows:

Crispin Best

Views:164

Votes: 17

Final Rating: 5.41

Jason Lee Norman

Views: 182

Votes: 19

Final Rating: 5.32

The numbers don’t lie, it looks as though (even though less people voted and looked at his story) Crispin has a greater overall rating and therefore has been declared the winner. Mr. Norman signed an unconditional surrender at 17:23 local time on the deck of the HMCS Baby Jago. Regarding his defeat, Mr. Norman had this to say:

“It was a failure from start to finish. My grassroots campaign to get out the vote ultimately failed. The story either partly confused people or completely confused them. The word ‘random’ was being shouted at me from all sides. I feel it is still fair to say that the current political situation in Canada (the home of my main voting force) led to the overall distraction of focus from my story and it’s importance in Canadian life. I congratulate Mr. Best for writing one helluva story and I hope to work with him in the future to promote peace and good prose throughout the land.”

Mr. Best made this speech earlier this evening:

“When I was growing up, I liked to play Lego. I played to win. Nowadays, the game is a bit different, but the aim is the same: annihilation of opponents. Like the boxer in my victorious story, ‘My Combed Hair Looks Terrific’, I am an indomitable force in my chosen discipline. My margin of winning only serves to reinforce, in my mind, my sense of my own effortless brilliance. Thank you to everyone who voted. Thank you to everyone who made me what I am. Thanks mum, you’re a neat guy. Thanks dad, we should finally have that beer some time. Jason, keep working at it. I know you have a 5.4 out of 10 story in you somewhere. xoxo”

Thanks again to those of you who voted. Jason promises to begin writing an amazing story right away in order to wash off the stink of failure and disappointed that soaks his every pore.

once more unto the breach,

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