‘Tis the Season?

Hallelujah! Today is the first day of December. Let’s all get our advent calenders out and eat a week’s worth of waxy chocolate.

This is a quick update to let you know that Story War is on. Tomorrow at this time you will check the site and you will see Jason Norman’s and Crispin Best’s stories of joy. The war would have been on today but JLN had second thoughts and needed to beef up his opus a little bit more.

Update:

Crispin Best- 100% complete

Jason Lee Norman- 99% complete

Mr. Best feels oddly confident. “It is a great story, I will lose”. That is a direct quote.

Mr. Norman, on the other hand, believes that he has found a new level for his abysmality (never a word). Stay tuned, vote vote vote, make our story boys into story men.

Bye the Weigh- Transmission is a magazine. They have a special offer right now. You can buy three issues of their magazine for only 10 Pounds! Also, if you place any order between now and the 14th of December then you will be eligible to win a ‘parcel’ or ‘hamper’ full of books. Order here. Who among you has not dreamed of a hamper full of books? None of you, that’s who. We here at wufniks dream of a vault/swimming pool, complete with diving board, filled with literature a la Scrooge McDuck.

Thank you Transmission for being a magazine. They treat the competition so well because they are confident and have fabulous artworks. Remember, all Transmission rejects are welcome. It’s the season of giving!

We’ll see you back around this way tomorrow boys and girls. Remember, vote for stories, send us stories, write stories and throw them up in the air.

bicycle kicks,

Night Time is the Right Time?

Good evening to you all. When you say ‘good evening’ it is best to say it like Alfred Hitchcock would say it: with some kind of strange nasal blockage sounds and lots of breathing.

Wufniks has no real updates for you this time, we just wanted to say hello. to keep in touch, you know? You know. Wufniks is busy working the night shift, the graveyard shift, the ol metier nuit, as they say in France. Night time is great for many things such as owl watching, star counting, moon shouting-at, but it is not a good time to be working. Just remember that somewhere out there, while you are sleeping in your warm warm beds, somebody is baking your bread and fixing your roads and straightening up the bookshelves for your arrival in the morning. In Disneyland the nightshift workers spend the evening scraping the gum off of benches and repainting the entire park. It’s true. Don’t believe me? Go ask your mother.

Here’s an update for you.

Story Wars update:

Jason- 0.05% complete

Crispin- ?.??% complete

Some of you may say, ‘Wufniks, this war does not seem to be going well’. We would call you a big fat downer. Don’t be such a downer, ok? Ok. We’re taking care of it, just relax. It’s always darkest before the dawn. We’ll have this war up and running in no time.

Wufniks editor Jason L. Norman did a clever thing the other day. He re-packaged a 9 Things and turned it into a 6S which stands for Six Sentences. It’s a six sentence story. One of the best ever if you ask us, and most people do. Check it out here or here. Was that too confusing? It probably was. We blame it on the night shift. We blame it on our circadian rhythms.

Wufniks will now say goodnight to you now. Remember, don’t feed your mogwais after midnight.

sweet dreams,

This Means War?

War is not the answer wufniks, but perhaps it is the question? No, probably not. Wufniks is a peach loving nation- and peace as well!

Speaking of war and peaches- Wufniks is at war! Not a real war, but a story war. Story Wars is a place where people put their stories on the site and watch them battle for supremacy through the democratic power of voting. Wufniks editors Crispin ‘the yellow dart’ Best and Jason Lee ‘too many names’ Norman will battle it out to find out once and for all who is the best short story of a thousand words or less writer in the world of worlds. We will keep you updated on when the stories will be put on the site and then you can go and read and vote, and vote often. You have the power inside you. Early polling suggests that Crispin’s story may or may not be about a Jewish boxer and Jason’s may or may not be about a house on fire. Go get ‘em boys!

thank you story wars for existing.

Existing is something that some people do best. You know who exists? Xiena Saeed exists, and so does Kamila Rymajdo, and also Belle Crawford. They were the shortlisted for this year’s Mulcahy and Conway award for outstanding achievment in the field of excellence. You will recognize Ms. Saeed from previous issues of Wufniks and Ms. Rymajdo has provided us with a 9 Things. You may be seeing more of all three of these ladies very soon and we thank them for being friends to and of wufniks. Great job ladies!

If you want to see the greatest story ever told, go here.

If you want to see the greatest story ever written, go here.

Until next time. Make words, not wars.

vanilla fudge,

Return to Sender?

Happy weekend to yous all, my hot and spicy, dripping with tomato sauce wufniks. Today is a Saturday that kind of feels like a Sunday. Outside it is grey but inside it is warm and there will be sports on TV until we all fall asleep. hip hip hooray for that. We have so many things to show and tell you so let’s get to it.

Do you like pictures? Do you like brilliance? wufniks loves brilliance and wufniks loves Harriet Russell. She has a new book out called Envelopes in which she sends letters to herself and writes the addresses in the most hilarious, beautiful, and delightful of patterns. Look here. Look here.

Look at how cheap Harriet’s book is on Amazon! Can you believe it? Buy the book, look at the pictures, love life and postal workers forever and ever. Wouldn’t it be great if Ms. Russell could be a wufniks illustrator? Wow, we’d love that. As soon as we can design an envelope worthy of her genius, we will send it to her and ask for a picture. Go to her site to see all her other great books and pictures and words. Yes you can!

In other news, we have more 9 Things to show you. Keep them coming.

Wufniks has a new game. Whenever you are on a subway train or a train, or a bus full of people and you are listening to your music on headphones, look for another person who is just sitting or standing and listening to their headphones. Catch their eye and then have a quick game of rock, paper, scissors with them. If they win the first one, then make it a best of three, if you win then give them a thumbs up and then immediately go to sleep. Try it.

Today’s update is dedicated to our editor Crispin Best and his knees. We love you CB.

In honour of him, here are some pictures of people who look nothing like the editors of wufniks.

Matt Munday and Crispin Best

Thank you Harriet Russell, thank you

Kings of Leon, thank you sky, up in the sky.

signed, sealed,

delivered,

Change?

Mercy mercy me. Do you feel that in the air? Do you smell what’s cooking? Can you still hear the screams of joy in your ears? Are you still yawning from staying up all night watching the world change? You’re not alone. It feels as though all of the world’s sports teams have won the championship on the same night. Let’s all throw confetti. Let’s all throw an impromptu parade. Let’s all throw our history books out the window. It’s time to buy some new ones. Let’s write them together shall we?

You know who’s a good writer? It’s A.J. Adams of course! A.J. is a great friend of wufniks. Remember Wufniks #1? We certainly do. A.J. is in there! Go read the joy again and again for yourselves. A.J. has provided us with a new story for 9 Things and its a whopper of a doozy of a wufnik. Enjoy.

Wufniks has a new friend to tell you about. Well, he’s not a new friend yet. He still needs to return our calls and we are sure that he will once the muffin basket arrives. Matt Prins is a strong and sensitive Canadian man who sometimes has a moustache. He is doing a cool thing right now with computers and papers and drawings called:

Instant Books Go and read and share with all of your friends. Thanks Matt, we love you.

First new friends, now on to old friends. Crispin Best has finally gone off the deep end. I blame the lack of sunlight. He has many metric tonnes of new stories and pictures to show you, as well as a big crab who gives messages.

hooray for Crispin, hooray for Matt Prins, and hooray for this family, who is about to get a new puppy.

sweet potatoe pie,

Monkey’s Lunch?

Today is the big day in the good ol’ U.S of A. It is voting day or, as the Native Americans call it, ‘the day after Monday’. Wufniks is proud to endorse Barack Obama for president of Earth. Most of you wufniks out there probably don’t live in the America but if you know any Americans, please, give them a hug today because it’s a big day for everyone.

Speaking of hugs. We are hugging each of you with our minds for supporting our site by visiting it and sending us words. Wufniks is becoming a happy, shiny, smell good family. Thank you for joining it and please keep coming because there is so much more to see and to do. Today we have two more submissions to add to our 9 Things. Valerie O’riordan and Raoul Colville, step right up, you’re the next contestants on Wufniks is always right. Ms. O’riordan also has one of thoes blogs that are going around these days, you can read it heeyah. A big round of applause for those two.

You can see some more members of the bright and shiny wufniks family, Crispin ‘don’t call me Robin’ Best and Kamila ‘I’m from Chorlton’ Rymajdo on the spinoff of all spinoff spinoffs, for every year. It is possibly the best idea that anyone has ever had.

hanging chads,

Trick or Treat?

Merry Halloween to you my spooky wufniks. Today we celebrate the only day where goths look normal. The only day you can bother your neighbours without fear of dog bites. The only day where you can fill your pillow cases with candy. The only day that most of us enjoy role playing. It’s important to have a safe word for when things get a little too hot underneath that rubber mask, if you catch our drift. Our safeword is Pumpkin. You give, we’ll receive.

Speaking of receptions. We’ve got a Manchester double feature today to add to the ever growing list of 9 Things that stand between you and happiness. Like a sunflower it’s growing. Like a puberty.

Today we have Dave Hartley and Alistair Harford- the double Hs coming at you! Read their submissions here.  Alistair is a blogger- trust me on this one. Also, Mr. Hartley has a blog, check it out for yourself if you don’t believe us. We would never trick you.

Have a good night wufniks, and stay reflective out there. These are life lessons.

marshmallow peanuts,

Singing in the Rain?

Salutations and a fine mahuk to you all. Have you ever noticed that sometimes it will rain and then other times it won’t rain? Sometimes it will rain in one part of the world but in another part of the world it might not be raining. I think about these things when I’m alone, or wet.

Have you ever been to Manchester? That is where rain comes from. God bless that city but it is fairly soggy.

I came across this site a couple weeks ago that embraces the rainy locales of Manchester and mixes it with everyone’s favourite google program: google maps. Rainy City Stories has an interactive map of greater Manchester and you can click on certain locations and find stories that people have submitted that go along with those spots. Neat idea? Great idea? You betcha!

Guess who I found on there today? Wufniks’ old friend Elinor Taylor. You can find a story there that you can also find in Wufniks #3.

There is more things. We have a new friend of Wufniks, his name is Tim Woodall. He has given us a new submission for our 9 Things… project. Take a look at it here. He is also a blog master. Read everything. That’s all for now. Keep sending us things, we love it when you do that.

breakfast in bed,

Welcome to the Machine?

Howdy gangstas!

Has this ever happened to you: You think of a great idea for a movie. The type of movie that will come out around Christmas time and blow everyone’s mind and make us all believe in hope and love and donkeys again? After you thought of this great idea for a movie did you then go to a movie yourself and then in the coming attractions found out that this movie has already been made starring Brad Pitt?

This happened to me the other day. Right here. To make matters worse I found out that this movie was already a short story written by F. Scott Fitzgerald. Remember guys, before you think of an idea for a movie, make sure that Brad Pitt or F. Scott Fitzgerald haven’t already thought of the idea first.

Moving right along. Speaking of machines, remember Crispin Best? This man is an absolute machine. I really mean it. He is our editor-in-cake, and an accomplished blog professional. Surrounding his gigantic human heart are dozens of gears and mechanisms and pulleys that create the masterful specimen that is Crispin Best. Crispin has provided us with the next installment of our 9 Things… You can read it on our site or on the spinoff of all spinoffs, For Every Year.

Before you go to bed tonight, remember that we here at wufniks are proud of you.

glow in the dark wallpaper,

Another Round?

How’re you? Have a good weekend? I sure did. Wufniks had a bit of a team building weekend out in the country. We did trust excercises where one person would fall and the other would catch them. Classic. We also had to transport oranges using only our necks and pass them to each other using our previously learned team building skills. At the end of the weekend we even had a genuine ice cream social, but with spiritous beverages instead of ice cream. I must say, a couple pints of alcohol were imbibed on that night.

This weekend reminded me of Noah. Not Noah Baumbaugh, director of The Squid and the Whale. It was the original Noah. History’s first drunk:

” And Noah the husbandmen began, and planted a vineyard.  And he drank of the wine, and was drunken; and was uncovered within his tent.”

Genesis 9: 20-22.

“Uncovered” means he was naked.

I am also reminded of the Taoist philosopher Zhuangzi who said:

“A drunken man who falls out of a cart, though he may suffer, does not die. His bones are the same as other people’s, but he meets his accident in a different way. His spirit is in a condition of security. He is not conscious of riding in the cart; neither is he conscious of falling out of it. Ideas of life, death, fear, etc., cannot penetrate his breast; and so he does not fear from contact with objective existences. And if such security is to be got from wine, how much more is it to got from God? It is in God that the Sage seeks his refuge, and so he is free from harm…”

I think you can all agree that it was a good weekend.

But the weekend is over now. It ended at officially 6PM GMT when the sun went down in this God foresaken country of ours. Meaning England. Meaning Britain. Meaning the UK. Down to business now.

We have had a great response to our 9 Things… and we’ve got a ripe barrell of them sitting in the store room.

Our old friend Kamila Rymajdo has given us new addition to the list. Go read her. She is the greatest. go. read. now.

Lastly. If you are in London, please, hug a Tottenham supporter tomorrow.

pumpkin pie,